Dienstag, Mai 09, 2006

List of rules

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...

From 9th June to 9th July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor... it wont happen.

It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”,or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less.Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.

You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.

The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
I will not go,
I will not go, and
I will not go.


The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this...why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.

Thank you for your co-operation.

27 Comments:

At 2:58 nachm., Mai 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonym said...

Suuuper! Das werd ich genau so durchsetzen! Freu mich schon drauf

 
At 6:21 nachm., Mai 09, 2006, Blogger Die Muräne said...

Wir müssen das hart durchziehen. Es darf keine Ausnahmen geben!

 
At 7:07 nachm., Mai 09, 2006, Blogger wallycrawler said...

I was married during the last game of the last World Cup in Key West . Now that was a party ! Duval Street was jumping with hot young Brazilian women .

And I just got married ! Fuck !

 
At 1:18 vorm., Mai 10, 2006, Blogger The Phosgene Kid said...

Cup of what?

 
At 7:01 vorm., Mai 10, 2006, Blogger Keshi said...

omg u sport addict! How abt I destroy ur TV b4 that? lolll!

Keshi.

 
At 7:34 vorm., Mai 10, 2006, Blogger Die Muräne said...

@wallycrawler: couldn't happen here. all churches are closed during world cup!

@thephosgenekid: THE world cup! Football... I mean soccer, you know!

@keshi: Ah, so you gonna be here in June? Cool! I think you just want to destroy my TV because you like to see the weird wild tiger in me!! lol

 
At 7:40 vorm., Mai 10, 2006, Blogger Keshi said...

lol na...cos I want u to see the innocent lil deer in me :):)

Keshi.

 
At 7:44 vorm., Mai 10, 2006, Blogger Die Muräne said...

@Keshi: innocent lil deers NEVER destroy TVs during the world cup. neva eva! :)

 
At 3:54 vorm., Mai 11, 2006, Blogger Keshi said...

**innocent lil deers NEVER destroy TVs during the world cup.

:) yes...but innocent deer has horns that can be pretty destroying lol!

Keshi.

 
At 7:47 vorm., Mai 11, 2006, Blogger Die Muräne said...

do I have to be afraid?

 
At 11:56 vorm., Mai 12, 2006, Blogger unbreakable said...

hey muräne! where has the "i have a horn too" comment gone...??!! i thougt this was really funny...!!got cold feet...??!! hahaah!! ;-)

 
At 8:16 vorm., Mai 15, 2006, Blogger Keshi said...

yaaaaaaaaahhaaaaaaa MUAHHAHAHAHA!

Keshi.

 
At 10:30 vorm., Mai 15, 2006, Blogger Die Muräne said...

please always remember: big brother verizon is watching you!!

 
At 11:08 vorm., Mai 17, 2006, Blogger unbreakable said...

that right mate! every step you make- every breath you take- we'll be watching you...!! :-) (and your horn too, of course...!!! HAHAAAH!

 
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